Like many other parents with young children I spent part of last weekend
seeing the new Pixar movie, Inside Out.
For those that haven’t seen it, the story is about the emotions,
memories and feelings of an 11 year old girl, Riley, who experiences a
difficult time when she and her family move from Minnesota to San
Francisco. The emotions in the control
center of her brain act as guardians to protect her, they are; joy, sadness,
anger, disgust & fear. Joy is clearly in control of most memories and
formations of personality in the early years.
Joy‘s well-meaning attempts to protect Riley often push Sadness away and
try to contain her so she does not taint the joyful memories. Spoiler alert: Sadness becomes an important
part of Riley’s journey and eventually even Joy recognizes the value Sadness
brings to Riley and all the emotions work together successfully.
Being happy does not mean there is no room for sadness. In fact, as this wonderful movie points out,
sadness is an integral part of our overall happiness and wellbeing.
When we work hard to be happy we often think that means we should avoid
anything bad or negative and that sadness is something to fear. That is not the case at all.
As a clinical therapist I focus A LOT on using Positive Psychology in my
practice and in my life. I work one on
one helping people find more joy and teach a workshop called “Increasing
Optimism, for a Happier, Healthier, More Productive YOU!” A practice I also use both personally and
professionally is mindfulness. When practicing mindfulness it is not about
trying to get rid of negative thoughts, but of acceptance. Recognizing and observing without judging is
a key component of mindfulness.
What I have learned is that many of us want to be happier so we consciously try to increase our happiness by avoiding all sadness and pain. Avoidance and suppression of negative
feelings often lead to greater pain the future.
The more you try to push away any thought or feeling, the more prominent
it becomes. Awareness and acceptance
builds resilience.
Sadness helps us appreciate more of what we have lost. It fosters a sense of empathy and compassion
towards others.
It can help us connect to others and appreciate what we have and can
strengthen our sense of gratitude and thankfulness.
Life is full of ups and downs and experiencing good and bad moods is
entirely normal and healthy. Recognizing
and understanding that everything is about balance will increase overall
well-being. Life is not about extremes
or perfection, but about experiencing and being.
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