There’s this misconception that talking to yourself is a sign of madness. People who talk to themselves are seen as crazy or unhinged. Entertainment and media often portray unstable characters by showing them having conversations inside their own heads when no one else is around.
The reality is, talking to yourself is not only normal, but it’s beneficial!
For those of you out there who are thinking that they don’t have conversations with themselves already, you may be surprised to know that your inner dialogue is happening but and you may not even be aware of it. Our minds are constantly creating dialogue or stories to explain the world around us. Many of these thoughts that we have are automatic, which means we aren’t consciously aware what we are thinking. We go into automatic pilot reacting to something we think is outside of us, however our response is more influenced more by our thoughts or interpretations then by the situation itself. Our minds are continuously creating a narrative based on feelings even if we have very little evidence to support the narrative. That thought then becomes a truth and belief. Human brains have evolved to create those stories with a bias toward negativity. This negativity is rooted in the need for survival. Psychologists talk about how early humans needed assume that a noise coming from behind a bush was something stronger, faster, bigger and hungry in order to not become lunch for a hungry saber tooth tiger. Our ancestors evolved with the need to process missing information with the assumptions necessary for survival.
Another source of negative inner dialogue comes from messages we received as children. We internalized what we were told and that created core beliefs that guide how we interpret the world around us. Research by Carol Dweck does a great job explaining how well-meaning feedback from adults can create a fixed mindset keeping people stuck and limit our ability to grow and thrive. Seemingly benign comments like, “math is not your subject” gets processed as a core belief. The thought “I am not good at math” repeats as a look and negatively affects how we view ourselves and our abilities. Dr. Dweck talks about the power of the word yet and how we can change that negative internal dialogue in our children by saying “math is not your subject, yet”. Creating that opening to growth and learning shows the importance of growth and creates a healthier growth mindset that carries later into life.
When we have negative feelings we often believe that it is external situations that are the main cause of our feelings. Often times our negative emotions are exacerbated by our thoughts and interpretations that we are hardly aware of. The key is to notice our thoughts and bring them into a more conscious awareness. That’s when we can benefit from having a conversation with ourselves. This self-talk can improve performance, motivate and elevate mood.
This self-talk can come in many forms. Informational self-talk is about talking yourself through doing something. Perhaps learning or practicing a new skill. Endurance athletes use self-talk to walk themselves through scenarios as a way to practice or prepare for a game or event. Motivational self-talk can help encourage and push us toward accomplishing something that we may be fearful about. Interrogative self-talk is about asking ourselves questions to help guide decision making and process events. Researcher Kelly McGonigal has pointed out that research has shown that talking to ourselves in the 2ndperson can have a bigger boost on mood, motivation and follow through than using 1stperson. The self-talk taps into the social brain and increases its’ positive impact.
So next time you find yourself having a conversation in your head, know that it isn’t a sign that something is wrong, but you can change the dialogue to more positive, objective and realistic self-talk which can be good for you!
