Glossophobia or speech anxiety is the fear of public
speaking or of speaking in general. So many people have it. The idea of presenting
in front of a group and being the center of attention can be overwhelming,
especially for people prone to anxiety. I have had symptoms of anxiety my
entire life and yet speaking in front of a group is something that I find
exciting and motivating. I worked for
years in a training role for a major pharmaceutical company and currently I
teach classes and workshops on mental health, optimism, and resiliency as part
of my clinical social work practice. Although I get a bit nervous just before a
presentation, within seconds I begin to feel the positive energy of the group
and find my flow. I pride myself on the
ability to handle negative and challenging audiences and can keep calm even
when things go horribly wrong.
So, if all of that is
true, why did one workshop throw me into a panic last month?
It all began after finishing up a three-week class I teach
several times a year for the local adult school. It is called: Get Happy: The Science Behind the Smile.
The next session starts October 2017 (here’s link if you would like to join me). Two women from the last class contacted me to
see if I would put together a program with the information we covered in class,
specifically to reinforce resiliency and a positive mindset in their teenage
daughters. They thought that the information presented would be best received
coming from an expert instead of from mom. Excited by the idea, I agreed.
Having a 13-year-old daughter, I had a pretty good idea how
to create a version of my course that would be appealing to young teenagers. I
could easily re-package the information with relatable stories to create an
hour-long program that would fit the needs of the parents and keep the kids
engaged. After creating the content and going back and forth on dates and
times, we settled on a date for me to come to the home of one of the women. The
plan was for her to host a party of 8th graders after school where I
could present my information and lead a discussion style workshop.
After I agreed to do it and was all ready to go, I panicked. What the heck? Why was I feeling so anxious about this? My internal
voice kept reminding me that I am better with adults than I am with kids. I
began my career as a therapist working with children and families but after
taking a 13 year detour into a corporate job, my current my current clinical therapy
practice is much more focused on working with older teens and adults,
especially around work/life balance stressors and triggers. All of a sudden I felt completely unprepared
for what I had signed up to do. My
negative self-talk had me feeling overwhelmed and insecure about doing
something that really should be a no brainer for me.
So what did I do? I am not proud to admit it, but I tried to
get out of it. I was not exactly sure why I was so fearful of doing this
workshop, I just knew I wanted to bail. The mom hosting the workshop emailed to say that her daughter told her that this was going to be the lamest party
ever. That was all I needed to hear, I was convinced that it was a bad idea. My
13-year-old daughter reminds me on a daily basis just how “uncool” I really am.
I thought, “How could I possibly think I could do this?”
I tried to remind myself that teachers do this every single
day, but that did not really help. Teachers have special gift and type of
patience I don’t believe I have. As much as I love to teach, adult learning is
where I thrive.
Nothing worked. I couldn’t find a way out. So there I was,
sitting in someone else’s home with a room full of young teenagers whose
parents paid money to have them come learn from me how to be more resilient and
optimistic, when I myself was feeling overwhelmed and pessimistic. Before
getting started one boy said to me, “I don’t think I want to stay, I don’t
really like psychology type stuff.” Ugh,
I just kept thinking, “This is going to be a complete shit-show.”
So, I just took a deep breath and started anyway. A few minutes in and I was shocked to see
that I held their attention. Most of the teens were engaged and were began
participating in the discussion. Hmmm, I thought “Maybe this would not be so
bad after all.”
As I went through the material it hit me. The key points I was trying to teach these kids were the
very messages I needed to tell myself at that very moment. I was not practicing
what I preach. I was doing, in my own mind, exactly what I was trying to teach
these kids not to do. My panic, fear and
insecurity around doing that program were in my mind, not reflective of
situation. I believed my irrational
thoughts, personalization, pervasiveness, and perfectionism that had driven me
into a panic. All of these were topics of this workshop.
When the obvious light bulb went off and I gained insight
into the unhelpful thoughts I was having, I was able to use more adaptive
thinking strategies, reframe my thoughts and adjust my perspective to allow my
fear to dissipate. As I listened to the kids sharing examples of growth mindset
thinking it clicked how much I was operating from a fixed mindset and
sabotaging myself over irrational and unhealthy assumptions. I was stuck believing
my thoughts that “I just don’t work well with kids” or “I can’t really relate
to a room full of 13-year-olds.” Those beliefs weren’t based in facts or
evidence but in my own maladaptive thoughts. I had to remind myself that just
because I think it, does not make it true. Something I say to other people
several times a day.
During the hour together, the kids shared stories of social
comparisons and how those emotions have had negative affects on their
self-worth. We identified examples of
situations where emotions were triggered by unhelpful and unrealistic negative
thinking, labeled and reframed those negative thoughts. The kids showed insight
and eagerness to understand their own triggers and even the kid who said he
didn’t want to stay, shared with the group a challenging time when negative
thoughts led to feeling depressed and hopeless.
It is funny how sometimes the things we fear can become
valuable lessons. In preparing to teach other people how to be more resilient
and operate from a growth mindset, I really reminded myself to practice what I
preach.
Thank you to the families who trusted me to teach their
children, and for the opportunity to step outside my comfort zone and continue
to grow.
If you are interested in attending an upcoming workshop or
setting one up, please reach out any time, you can contact me through my
website Maximize Wellness or via cfmaksimow@maximize-wellness.com
