Work/life balance can be a constant struggle for many people,
especially moms. When I had my daughter almost 13 years ago I was working as a
Trainer and Sales Manager in the Pharmaceutical Industry. I struggled to find
that balance, struggled to stay confident at work and felt an incredible amount
of new mommy guilt. Here’s how I described my search for balance in the book,
“Lose That Mommy Guilt, Tales and Tips from an Imperfect Mom”:
Balance is one of those overused words that I believe can be
next to impossible to achieve. Balance implies all things are neatly in line
and flowing together nicely. I think of images of ballerinas posing perfectly
on toes with hands in the air. In my world it is more like a seesaw constantly
in motion as I try to avoid dropping balls flying out of control over my head.
Today I work as a Clinical
Therapist as the owner of
Maximize Wellness Counseling and Coaching LLC and meet many women with similar experiences feeling the anxiety and stress
related to balancing work and family. A few months ago I was chatting with a
friend,
Jill Donahue of
EngageRx about the Pharmaceutical Industry today and we realized just
how common this challenge is for women and that got
us thinking about how we may be able to make a positive impact on others. Together we knew of successful leaders who
could provide insight and best practices that we could learn from as well as share what we have learned through our own experiences.
That led us to create a survey aimed at learning specific
challenges and solutions around balance and harmony and how gender may or may
not be a factor for Leaders in the Pharmaceutical Industry. If you are in reading this and would
like to be a part of the survey, you can
click here, we would love your input!
After hearing from just under one hundred successful women (and
men) from all over the globe we came to a few conclusions that I’d like to
share today.
Top challenges:
- Pressure to work 24/7
- Home duty management
- Guilt
- Stress
- Energy
- Commute
- Travel
- Time Management
- Pressure to work less from loved ones at home.
Here are the top five
tips we learned to help you increase balance between work and life despite those challenges:
1. Ask for help!
A quality of a strong leader is the
ability to know how and when to delegate. Not only does it help lighten the
workload for you, but if done well, you are providing excellent learning and
growth opportunities for your employees.This is not just important at work,
but also at home. So many of us do things at home that can be delegated out.
For example, does you child really care if you made homemade cupcakes for the
party at school? The reality is, your child wants cupcakes. That’s it. Staying
up all night in order to get the perfect homemade option could easily be delegated
to the local bakery or supermarket! The same is true of other chores at home. I
bet your kids can start doing more around the house for themselves. Grade
school kids are perfectly able to pack lunches the night before or help with
the dishes or vacuuming.
Not only are
you lightening your load, you are teaching them valuable life skills. For
wonderful resources on the power of giving kids chores you may want to check out one of my favorite books,
“How to Raise an Adult” by Julie Lythcott-Haims.
2. Adjust expectations
Are you a perfectionist? What happens when
you fall short? Do you feel guilty and get frustrated with yourself for not
meeting expectations? Have you considered those expectations may be unrealistic
to begin with? We often create expectations that no one could live up to and
yet we feel like a failure when we don’t succeed. "Perfect" is not a realistic option.
Click here to read an article in The Digest Online on Expectations vs Reality for new moms. For a light example, when I was a kid,
I swam on a swim team every summer. I loved the swim team. As a mom I never
signed my children up for swim team because they attended a full day camp all
summer long and swim team was just not an option. I felt tremendous guilt over
not giving my kids what I thought was an essential summer experience. The
summer I changed careers I was so excited to have my then 9-year-old swim on
the local swim team but she wanted no part of it. She basically said swim team
was “your thing mom.” Huh, all that wasted energy feeling guilty about
something that really did not matter to her.
A wonderful resource on how perfectionism is
Brene Brown’s “The Gifts of Imperfection”
4. Own your agenda
Time management is key to success. One of
the toughest, yet most important lesson is to learn when to say no. We often
believe that success means doing it all and all at once and that means say yes
to every project or request that comes our way. It is so important to identify
and keep clear your personal and professional boundaries. For example I was
asked to give a workshop to new moms at BabiesRUs. What a fantastic opportunity
for me to get out in front of other women and talk about self-compassion,
confidence and resilience for new moms! Unfortunately my role as a therapist and
speaker has me out of the house working many evenings. I had originally agreed
to speak at two different BabiesRUs stores in NJ each month and my nights were
filling up fast. I recognized I had over-scheduled myself and canceled one of
the opportunities in order decrease my nights away from home. Learning to say
“No” can take practice, but it is critical to stay in control of your time and
your own agenda.
4. Self-Care
This one is great in concept, but
really who has time, right? There is this misconception that in order to be
successful we need to self-sacrifice. The reality is, if we are not taking care
of our physical, emotional and mental health, we are less able to be successful
in all aspects of our lives. That doesn’t mean just exercise and nutrition, but
also taking time to have fun and engage in activities that benefit our
emotional and mental health. Perhaps it is practicing mindfulness or joining
volunteer organization or being party of a club or sports team. How many of us
put off having fun until weekends or vacation? It does not have to be that way.
Taking care of yourself is about
increasing your level of happiness, which positively affects your overall
health, productivity and resilience to better balance work and life. For some
great resources and books on positive psychology and self-care check out some of my favorite authors,
Shawn Achor,
Kristen Neff and
Christine Carter.
5. Define Success for YOU
One of the biggest problems that
can cause unrealistic expectations is social comparison. Whether it is from
spending so much time on social media or comparing our careers to others at
work, we can lose sight of what we really want for ourselves. Social comparisons
create a distorted of other people, what they are experiencing and doing and can ultimately lead to creating unrealistic pressure and expectations of how our lives
should be. What is considered success
for one person is completely different for another. Identify for yourself what
success really means and then look at how to get there. Understand that not
everyone will have the same idea about what you should or should not do when it
comes to your career and your life. Having a strong mentor focused on your
personal and professional goals can have a positive impact on your ability to define and achieve success.
Finding that balance between work and life is a challenge,
especially for women who are expected to be everything to everyone at work and
at home.
So the question becomes, is it really possible to find harmony
and balance. In our survey of successful leaders over 80% said yes it is.
As a clinical therapist and coach I now agree that finding
that balance can be difficult, but not impossible. I hope the concepts shared
today can help you find that balance and harmony in your life.
For more information on workshops, books, services or to set up a free consultation check out
Maximize Wellness online.
